Attending Church For The First Time In Years

If you read my previous blog post then you know I have been on a journey of self-healing and discovery. I have to say that God works in mysterious ways but if you keep faith then you will slowly understand his plan and appreciate his influence in your life. 

I was baptized in a Catholic Church as an infant and did attend church when I was a child but neither of my parents did and I eventually stopped going. I've endured a lot in just twenty-nine years of life. My relationship with God has been shaky for many years but since changing Provinces and moving to Ontario I've started listening to him more and praying for guidance. He has shown me the way and protected me in many ways and situations. Many of which include people that I should stop surrounding myself with and guiding me on my divine path. 

We're not even halfway through January and already I feel like I've grown a lot more in just a couple weeks. I have been consistently praying everyday and night for guidance and healing. I have stopped online dating and have deleted my profile. It wasn't serving me and if anything I was meeting some of the worst people imaginable. When I first created it my intuition said not to because it's never aided me before and now to think it of it I believe it was God trying to tell me not to waste my time. I can't be both in a season of wanting marriage and allowing myself to be in sexually compromising situations. I cannot entertain and allow men in my life who I already know would be undeserving of someone like me. A while back I had a sexual encounter with a man who I knew I didn't want long term but I wanted physical comfort. And at the end of it, it was sexually disappointing and left me wanting more for myself. 

From that point on, I decided to abstain from any sexual activity for the foreseeable future. I want better for myself and so I decided that I rather have a stronger relationship with God and learn to control my carnal desires than allow low vibrational individuals know my body in such an intimate manner. I also simultaneously decided that I wanted to try and find a Church that I would be comfortable in. My issues in the past with Church was judgment from the congregation. I went to a Church a few years back and it was not a good experience whatsoever. I didn't feel moved or connected to God at all. But the one I went to today? By God's grace, it moved me deeply. 

I made a promise to God that I would start attending Church and seeing how I have Sunday's off it seemed like a perfect fit to attend Sunday Mass. Last night during the last couple hours of my shift, I started having cold feet and didn't want to attend any longer. I was telling myself I'll just go to the gym and then sleep in. Whether it be my shame or the enemy trying to deter me God definitely pulled me through that. I suddenly was hit with a wave of exhaustion once I completed my shift and went straight to bed. I did set an alarm so I could get ready in time IF I did want to go to Church. I woke up in time and got ready. I was a little nervous but the energy felt just right!

I went by myself which typically doesn't bother me attending events alone but this morning I just kept praying to God under my breath to give me strength. If you haven't figured it out yet I am someone who definitely believes in synchronicity and signs from above. The Priest started off by discussing about how January 11th is the final day of Christmas celebration which felt like God confirming today is the start of the next chapter of my life. He also discussed Jesus appearing the third time after his resurrection and then he focused on how we should renew our baptism vows. Throughout the entire time, I kept fighting back tears. I wasn't in a sad mood this morning so it caught me off guard. Last year I started therapy to heal my mind, I joined a gym to heal my body and now I'm going to church to heal both my spirit and soul. So the fact that they were discussing Jesus' appearing for the third time after resurrection just felt like confirmation that I was doing the right thing by attending church. 

I was apprehensive about partaking in communion and even told myself I wouldn't because I just felt unworthy of it. But when they were passing them out I just felt compelled to go up and take communion. No thoughts were running through my mind and I felt like I was on autopilot. When I kneeled down to start praying my eyes just starting pouring out tears. I felt this overwhelming feeling that I was home and that I belonged. Ever since I left the church this morning I have had this sense of peace in my heart. I'm so happy I went to church and didn't back out. And as if I didn't already see all the signs, I also started my period today. It's like my body was following my spirit and confirming to me that today is the start of something new and beautiful. From now on, I'm going to attend church every week and continue on strengthening my relationship with God.