Goodbye 2025 and Hello 2026!

This year has been an eye opener to say the least. I entered 2025 in a relationship with the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I thought I found my person. My future husband and the father of my future children. And I am ending the year single but grateful to God for removing the veil and showing me the truth of what my future with that person held. All I saw was sadness and lost opportunities. I saw a future for myself that I vowed I would never have. There were a lot of red flags that I just ignored because I always try to see the best in people even if their bad parts hurt me. But there were so many reasons for me to leave and I just kept giving him chance after chance. Love shouldn't be that difficult. And love isn't if it's with the right person. I spent two plus years with someone who had a lot more to gain out of our relationship than I did. The right man for me won't just keep taking from me without pouring back into me. I was the cruise director of our relationship. It became so exhausting that I just stopped. And when I stopped pushing it made me realize that what made him so magical in my eyes wasn't the man himself but my energy and effort that he was mirroring. My heart hurts realizing that I wasn't his first choice because I am this phenomenal woman who is loving and passionate about life but that being with me was convenient. 

When a man doesn't put any effort in the relationship even after you've come to him with your concerns and he chooses to not change...well that makes my decision so much easier. We should be at our high and instead all I saw the future hold was me getting more and more tired. For the first time in YEARS, I cried on my birthday because of his actions that hurt my feelings. I cried on my twenty-ninth birthday and on that day I made a vow that I will never allow another person for the rest of my life to affect me to the point where I cry. Not even a couple months after my birthday I ended the relationship. The night I tried speaking to him he starts off by saying he hopes it won't take hours because he has work in the morning. That right there reinforced that breaking things off was the right thing to do because the man who will be my husband will talk into the early hours of the morning to fix things with me. 

Breaking up with him was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. And through breaking things off with him I then joined the gym and found a therapist that has been really helpful. I joined the gym to work out my body and the therapy to work on my mind. I am ending 2025 knowing that the best investment I can ever make in this lifetime is not in another person but in myself. I don't know why it took me so long to realize I should have been putting myself first but better late than never. This year has made me become so much closer with God. I even started praying to Mother Mary which I never did before. 

2025 has been a year of reckoning for me. I'm thankful that this year was as difficult as it was for me because it forced me to face a lot of my demons head on. Some I have known of for a while and others I didn't even realize were plaguing me. I've had to reshape my life around these past couple months and shift my mindset. I am successful in every aspect of my life other than romantic. I have high standards for myself and those I keep in my life and that should apply to my love life as well. I know what I want and I shouldn't settle for anything less. I shouldn't settle for potential or the smooth talkers. Heck, I shouldn't settle at all. Going to therapy and journaling has helped me realize that I have so much to offer and I have gone through so much that I would do such a disservice to myself if I didn't choose the best partner that is deserving of me. I'm proud of myself for facing my emotions and not running away from them or trying to self-medicate. I'm fortunate to never have had issues with substances but I have had issues just numbing myself from my feelings and burying them. Through all these challenges, I feel like I have entered a feminine phase of my life. I'm confident in myself and I don't feel this rush to jump into the next relationship. I want to enjoy my life the way I want to and with God's blessing he will bring forth a man who is worthy of me. 

I've never really been into the whole Chinese zodiacs but I have learned that 2025 is the year of the snake and it makes so much sense! 2025 was meant to be a year of growth, wisdom, shedding what no longer suits us and I have to say that it's totally spot on to what I was dealing with this year. 2026 is the year of the horse. It is expected to be a year of energy and transformation. If you have goals that you want to achieve then 2026 will be the year to swiftly accomplish them. My goals for the new year? Keep killing it at the gym. Since the beginning of 2024 I have been on a weight loss journey and I am proud to say I have lost over 40 inches across my body thus far and now adding in weight lifting, my body is changing in a beautiful way that I am falling back in love with myself. I will keep killing it at work like I have been doing for years. Good thing I'm an overachiever so succeeding at work hasn't been the most difficult part of my life. I'm going to keep hanging out with friends and loved ones. And for 2026 I am going to keep my heart open for love and specifically for God. I just want to keep getting closer to him and praying as often as possible. 

Needless to say, I am much more excited for 2026 and leaving all the mess of 2025 behind!